


Kylo Ren, Fashionista of the Force

by UnstoppableYam



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Clothing Theft, Denim, Drastic measures, Gen, Jeans, Jedi, Selfies, The Force, fashion - Freeform, fashion blog, jats, joots, mild swearing, stormtroopers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 21:26:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6873961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnstoppableYam/pseuds/UnstoppableYam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Resistance strikes back at his closet, Kylo Ren must go on a spiritual journey to find an outfit for his meeting. Along the way, he makes the discovery of a lifetime. Rated T for mild swearing, comments and criticism appreciated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kylo Ren, Fashionista of the Force

From a young age, Kylo had loved fashion. He didn’t scream it to the world, of course, because how would it look if everyone found out the biggest threat to the Empire since Darth Vader was into _Project Runway: Stormtrooper Edition_. Exactly. Mothers would stop teaching their children to fear him, and he couldn’t have that.

Anyways, today was just another ordinary day for Kylo. He woke up to _Baby I’m Worth It_ blaring from his alarm clock, ate his usual croissant and coffee with two sugars, and strangled another stormtrooper or five because they had forgotten to get him the latest issue of Jedi magazine.

He wanted to know which ship was winning in the Poe-Finn-Rey love triangle dammit!

Unfortunately, that was only the start of what would be one of the worst days of his life, for when Kylo strode into his walk-in closet to get ready for his 10 o’clock meeting, he was met with—

“Oh my Yoda, WHAT IS THIS?”

All his angsty black robes, GONE! He nearly fell to his knees and wept. How was he supposed to keep up his image as an edgy, slightly emo punk rocker without his infamous black capes? Going to 21 Ship Pilots concerts could only do so much, you know!

Not to mention, he had saved his allowance for weeks as a child to build up his wardrobe the way he had! And what with Han dead (note to self: have stormtroopers check his will to see if I get anything) and Leia irritated, he had no money for an emergency shopping trip! What was an aspiring dictator to do?

His eyes fell on the sole scrap of fabric left in his poor, ravaged closet. It was a jean jacket he had purchased back when 90s fashion was in, after the soccer moms had abandoned it as their uniform and before the mainstream adopted it so he couldn’t wear it anymore(but he had it before it was cool, okay). It was his last hope.

Unless he wanted to stroll into HQ wearing his 1D footsie pajamas (which he totally pulled off, btw, but that is so not the point), he had no choice but to throw on the bedazzled monstrosity, which somehow still fit. Examining himself in his full length mirror, Kylo delightedly realized that he looked _hot as hell_. He wolf whistled to himself. He was sure he’d get tons of compliments when he strutted in 30 minutes late.

Further rummaging turned up a pair of stone washed bootcut jeans, denim boots, and a denim purse. He had no idea why he had them, or why whatever dastardly villain who raided his closet left them in the middle of the room, but hey they matched and he was never one to go outside without a good accessory.

He remembered to take plenty of selfies for his anonymous fashion blog, Fashionista of the Force. Naturally he had to blur out his beautiful face to keep his identity a secret, but it was a sacrifice he was forced (haha, get it? Because he can use the force) to make. The people needed him. He was their fashion leader, like he would soon be their leader of everything.

But first, he had to give the look a name. Alliteration was in, and his trademark, so Kylo figured that would be a good place to start. Since all his clothes were made of denim, D was his natural first choice, but he could hardly call the ensemble “Dank Ds for the Darkly Demure”. Ew. It didn’t roll off the tongue. Which left him with J, for Jeans. But that was so _plebian_. Jean as an adjective was so yesterday. The galaxy already had jean jackets, jean skirts, jean vests…

Wait! Brain Blast! He could just combine the J with the preexisting word! “Jean” and “Jacket” would be the established hook to readers, and his “Joots” jean boots and “Jurse” jean purse would be the edgy new trend he started! It was genius! It was infallible! Kylo could already see his new system spreading to every clothing store in the Empire—jeels, jandals, jats, jedoras. It would even transcend the fashion world and become a cornerstone of everyday life! Soon houses would be filled with jools (jean stools), citizens would sleep on jeds (jean beds), and lovers would get married at jeddings (jean weddings). It’d be his Juniverse (jean universe)!

And a Jean Jedi would be...still a Jedi. Wow talk about anti-climatic. Whatever. When he took over the world he’d make sure they wore jean everything anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> ive never watched star wars


End file.
